吵架三部曲

人生十之八九。
一當我們生氣、憤怒的時候就會以“怒”字當頭，什麼都不管什麼都不理。
平常理智的你也會在這個時候變得很無理取鬧。耍酷？來不及了。

生氣的時候，嘴巴裡和心理想的完全相反。嘴巴不聽話的嘰哩呱啦什麼話都說得出，管聽的人有多難受、多難堪，只要你覺得痛快的就吐出來。這就是生氣最大的壞處。

第一曲：惡言相對
醫生說：不吐不快，不要憋著憋著 會憋出病來的。
但是你想想，當你憤怒的時候你說的話還是人話嗎？
我自認我說的句句諷刺，句句到位。但是我會因為在我面前的那位是我愛的人，盡量收斂。
可是你懂得收斂但和你吵的那位不懂啊！

第二曲：以“禮”相對
看到我的禮字有開關引號嚒？什麼時候在吵架的時候有禮啦？
這“禮”指的是 把平常瑣碎事都搬到檯面上來，一件一件的放大來談。
就好像平常沒有抽馬桶的壞習慣啊、睡覺咬牙齒啊什麼的。吵架的時候五百年前的事情都可以拿出來談。就好像孫悟空和玉皇大帝談判的時候啊，玉皇大帝也是常常把悟空五百年前大鬧天宮的事拿出來指責他。連玉皇大帝也會犯的錯，我們凡人為何不會呢？

第三曲：沈默是金
好啦，一方吵到沒話吵了，另一方想讓事情冷靜下來。這時候，一切都變得好安靜好安靜。
這個時候雙方的心理，肯定有一番自己的心裏話。「尼瑪明明就是你錯為甚麼不認？」「我真的錯了嗎？hmm..」 這個時候是看你自己放不放得下尊嚴，道歉什麼的都是看個人造化。
要是我堅決知道自己沒有錯，我是不會低頭。但是時間久了（（通常洗完澡後我都會忘了(￣▽￣)））我就會和好如初什麼事都沒發生過似的呵呵～


其實吵吵鬧鬧也是一種溝通方式。有哪對情侶不吵的？有哪個孩子對父母也是不吵的？越是愛的人越容易吵架，因為人很笨。很愛把自己最不好的一面體現給最愛自己的人看，把自己最無理取鬧的一面給愛的人看。

或者你不認同吧，但是我真心覺得 吵架不可以帶過去另一天，今天吵的今天解決。
要是你的另一半（不可能父母因為他們永遠最愛的是你）對你還是不理不睬、吵了好幾百次都沒有改，對不起 你該放棄了 這孩子沒救了。

吵夠了，安靜了。要是真的愛你的會回來你身邊的，因為他知道沒有他 你傻傻的會怎麼辦？沒有你 誰幫他蓋被子搔癢癢？

愛你的會知道你的難受你的感覺、為甚麼你會吵鬧，就好像父母，永遠都讓你贏。勝利不代表你對，這只是代表他們有多愛你。

這次的文章用華語，就覺得華語比較容易把我要說的話表達出來。呵呵～

Till then,
J x

Tesselaar Tulip Festival 2014 - Tulip Fantasy

Hello :D I know I have been MIA for almost a year already.. so sorry that i abandoned this little space cuz I went on mobile blogging :3 anyways I was requested by Twinnie to come back to this space >_< i miss here.. cut the crap, i was thinking to record down my life in Melbourne, but my life is actually pretty boring so.. here's some fun one.

I went to Tulip Festival yesterday (4th of Oct) with Sunshine. I dragged him so hard only he willing to leave the city and get to the suburb with me. From Melbourne city to Lilydale, you've to take an hour train to reach there, and get on the $3 per person shuttle bus (for weekends only, weekdays have to take Route 663 bus to Tesselaar Tulip Festival). BUT because of there were some terrorist related crimes in Melbourne recently so some train stations closed, the direct link from Melbourne city to Lilydale is closed. -__-

So we have to take one train stop down, to Parliament station, and hop on the bus replacement service to Camberwell train station (which is like 30 mins away), and get on train to Lilydale station. From Camberwell to Lilydale station was around another 25-30 minutes (it stopped at every stop, should've took the express & transfer to Lilydale >_<). After reaching Lilydale, have to get on to bus and get to Tesselaar which is like another 15 mins. The whole trip took around an hour + to reach the Tulip Festival but the scenery made efforts paid.

Crapped enough, let the photos do the talking!

Can you imagine yourself standing in the middle of Tulip sea?

This festival lasted for a month, it started since Sept 11th till Oct 7th. I am the lucky one that being able to visit this once a year event before it ends //bliss//

But because it is reaching the end of the festival already, these tulips are not that lively anymore.. you can see bald spots in the middle of fields because those kids actually step on them and the staffs said "we are going to kill them anyway, so its fine" WTF. I dont know how they actually going to do with all these pretty flowers lar. I eavesdropped that they said they use new soil every year and "we are going to kill them", I felt super wasted for these tulips :( their lifespan just a month?

Weather was a bliss too! 26 degrees and scorching sun YEASH! I feel spring, like finally.. after spring started for a month already. Sunshine said too hot he cant see lol and he wore his uncle pek spectacles because his new spec loosen already..

Tiramisu! Tiramisu to more tulips and ice cream please?

This Sunshine die die also dont want to take with me in the front cuz he said "too mainstream, exchange character.." wtf.

Lai, time to spam my own selfies :P

i likey this :3

The last photo was where we found hidden garden for the tourist to visit the types of Tulips. There are so many types of tulips that i cant even remember any of them! I just remember their names being weird, like what "Diamond" something. Hmm..interesting.

One of my main reason insist on going to this tulip farm is because tulip is my mom's favourite flower. She loves tulip so much and her wish is just to visit tulip farm in Netherlands. Is okay mii, come to Melbourne again and I will bring you there <3 div="">

Another reason was to fade my grief, I cant accept still I am so sorry. rest in peace, mizi.

I wish I could fulfill as many wishes as I can for my family.

And yet, please do whatever that makes you happy. Do not ever make yourself to something that you don't want to and end up unhappy. You have to live your life, with love and care. Bear in mind, sometimes selfish is good too. Don't over interpret whatever I've said, #YOLO but in a right way.

Let's end this post with my favorite photo of all.

Till then,

x.

国外求学生涯

上课星期我心血来潮一直诅咒自己要发烧，而且是高烧的那种。因为觉得自己最近缺乏关注，好像很多大小事都不清楚，就连我爸要出国了我也一概不知 这真的很过分很生气！
不知道是不是上天看到我这个疯婆子那么想体验第二次在寒冷的天气里发烧，我昨天睡午觉的时候一醒来，真的 发烧了，而且是高烧。本以为很普通 因为我得到比平常多一点的关注了然而烧会退，结果吃完晚餐后 （就算发烧，吃时一定还要的！）烧真的开始慢慢退了！半夜的时候几乎都不烧了。

今天一早起床，觉得精神不错～昨晚答应人家喝茶 我还有本事去洗澡等等的。喝完茶后，开始发冷，一回到家…尼玛 烧得更重了。现在我蹲在我电脑桌前 看着前面那家伙打游戏，觉得我的眼睛快烧掉之余 还有一股淡淡的哀伤。由于他生我的气 不打包给我 还骂了我一餐，然后回来的时候买了辛拉面和 M&M 给我。不知道是应该觉得至少他有心 还是有心害我。自己默默的煮碗面吃了后，现在更加辛苦了。

好想念妈妈 爸爸 弟弟 妹妹
在家里 我这个大姐就好像小妹一样。
我妹我弟都服侍我。
发烧了 喊两句说 “弟我饿啦～想吃煎蛋吔 ＊无辜眼神＊”
我弟弟就会放下游戏 然后去煮蛋 T_T
我妹妹就会默默的拿水给我 默默的逼我喝
我爸妈 “要吃什么？”
我 “不知道，面线？（话说我生病只吃面线啦）呵呵 要辣椒酱哦”
爸 “死小孩 生病还吃辣椒？那你的面线啦 ＊内附辣椒＊”
我 “……”

我爸是有点凶啦 但是他和我一样 刀子口 豆腐心 知道我没有辣椒吃不下 然后就会附送一煲凉茶 他说这样就不会上火了
我妈蛮关注我的意见呵呵 我要他陪我去逛街 下班后就算再累 他会嘴硬的说“那安娣还有开啦，要不要去哦你”

我爸妈很喜欢趁我熟睡的时候 （没有啦 就早上他们上班前我起不来的）偷偷进来我房间摸摸我的额头，“发烧了，咳” “乖 来 吃这个 ＊珍珠粉末＊ 喝水”
这些都是我睡觉的时候糊里糊涂发生的 但我很记得啦 因为起床后旁边就会有一壶水。
我爸从我小到大都喜欢帮我盖被 偷偷关掉我冷气 小时候身子很差 收不到着凉啊
然后第二天起床我就会出身汗，烧就退了。

在国外读书前 我都是在吉隆坡上课。以前发生的大事我都选择不告诉他们 因为啊要是我告诉他们了他们就会很担心 但是什么也做不了，为何让他们受苦呢？
虽然知道这样不对啦 但是我不想让他们操心
今天我发着烧，像傻逼一样蹲在电脑面前 打这篇文章 这是因为我想家了
或许带着缺爱的精神，让我毫不犹豫的写下了这一篇根本与标题一点关系也没有的文章
对不起啦
但是
国外求学 让自己发现 为了不让父母担心 我真的什么都做到哈哈
也发现 写下这篇也是因为自己 真的 好想家
或许我看起来好像游子，一点也不想家的那种
其实我

不是。只是不想和他们Skype因为我不想让他们想念我到没有心机工作读书 还有自己也没有心情啦

话说
坐我前面那个，还是不关注我 ＊泪崩！＊

IT'S HALLOWEEN!

FINALLY, I am at oversea nowwww and I thought I would be celebrating halloween this year but mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~ NO.

Last year I did celebrate with Mag and Rou after I came back from Taiwan, but then we didn't dress up as what we initially thought we could be.

I always thought studying abroad = celebrating halloween. BUT, Jen went back Malaysia, Mr. Sunshine exam, others exam also.. T__T why lar why! Then to make myself happier since I am on my one week break now, I decided to ruin my face *throw confetti*

This look is actually very 'yeng' cuz you can still be pretty and disgusting at the same time. I don't have liquid latex so I used Mod Podge instead which I bought to seal the iPhone cover design I've done for Mr. Sunshine. It is non-toxic so my skin doesn't show any allergic effect so far.. Just do allergic test before you put on your face!

To do this, you'll need

• 1 ply of tissue, tear into small pieces
• Some liquid latex, which you can find in most of the Halloween store,
• LIQUID LATEX ALTERNATIVES: gelatin, Mod Podge which I used for this look, or white craft glue, make sure those glues are non-toxic!
• Liquid foundation (preferably and one shade darker than your skin tone because the new 'skin' will appear lighter if you use your shade of foundation)
• Eyeshadows, brown and black
• Fake blood, which you can get in most of the halloween stores as well, or make it yourself!
• FAKE BLOOD DIY: By using corn syrup and red food dye. Add some vaseline for gooey texture which make it more realistic!
• FAKE BLOOD DIY: Use some of your red eyeshadow or cut some red lipstick, add in some vaseline, mix them up. Add a tiny tiny bit of black for even realistic looking blood.
• FAKE BLOOD ALTERNATIVES: Red lip gloss, Red lip tint (which I'm using.. *heartache*), Red lipstick (I used this too *heartache*)
• Face moisturizer
• A tweezer and small scissor (in case)

ZOMBIFYING TIME!

1. First, moisturize the part of your face that you are going to zombify. (meh who likes dry skin?)

2. Apply a layer of liquid latex to the area you want by using an unwanted brush or sponge.

3. Put the pieces of tissue to the area you've applied liquid latex while it is still wet, layer by layer.

4. After it is dry, add more liquid latex and tissues and let it dry again. Repeat this for 3 to 4 times.

5. On the last layer, apply a layer of liquid latex and make sure you smooth out the edges. Let it dry.

6. Apply your normal makeup as usual, and apply the darker foundation to your new 'skin'. Make sure they look like your real skin. Powder it to make the foundation stay.

After applying foundation, don't have darker foundation same shade will do, but need to apply thicker.

7. Cut some 'wounds' on the 'skin' by using tweezer or scissor. Be really careful on this cuz you don't want to hurt your face! Make some holes and be gentle to not rip the 'skin' apart.

8. Apply some dark brown eyeshadow to the wounds to create depth, then use black eyeshadow
around the wound to make it looks really deep.

9. Dirty your 'skin' and around the wounds by using the black and brown eyeshadow.
10. Apply the fake blood into your wounds and also some at the skin.

DONE!

This is my first attempt for doing special effect makeup cuz I've no chance to play around when I was in Malaysia. My younger brother actually thought "who is this idiotic girl who cut her face till like this" when he saw my photos HAHAHA bro that's your sister eh!

From one direction you might look completely normal and from the other direction you are zombified.

REMEMBER TO PUT ON YOUR COSTUME OR ATTIRE before you do this makeup

(I forgot and I can't fit any other shirt so a loose blouse would do..)

I think my wounded side too dirty.. hmm make
it looked like burnt :O

Oh by the way, I didn't put any blusher for this look and I did an exaggerating contouring for higher cheekbone (and i forgot to contour my jawline -.- make me look so mannn...) I 38 go and do 'bitten lip' effect for my lip and did aegyo-sal as well HAHAHA this make up damn nice lar despite the wounds LOL.. Make sure your skin should look extremely pale cuz girls or guys, you're a zombie now.

can see my aegyo-sal here! hahaha

Alright enough of selfie LOL! Be sure you try this out and scare more people! Who says Halloween can't be pretty yet creepy? hehehe HAVE FUN and take lotsa photos!!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! xx

Lovesssss, J!

The secrets behind the smile

This is actually quite personal topic to talk on here but I didn't realize that it is actually panic attacks which attacking me for around 5 years, but not the sudden-tension-problem. Most of the people out there don't realize that they are actually dealing with panic attacks and they are either overcome it by 'challenging' it (which is good) or too scare of the panic attacks will happen anytime soon and lock themselves home. I am the second one, I mean I do try to get rid of it, I've tried going out, but then consequence is I will keep running to toilet and I have nothing to pee, I just want to sit in the quite toilet and chill.

I am writing this because I want to share to people that panic attacks are not something would haunt you forever and it couldn't kill you. It is a signal from your brain and body to protect you because they sense danger. It could happen in some specific situations or places, it depends on personal. If you are reading this and you know who is suffering from panic attack, hope this help you to understand more and give a better support when your friend is suffering from panic attack.

Anxiety is a feeling that make you feel instantly insecure, worry, nervous or unease about something with an uncertain outcome. It could happen anytime and it is lying in all of us in different level all the time. It could triggered by simple things like waiting your boyfie to fetch you out for a date to something a lot more nerve wrecking one like going to meet your principal (or so..). It happens most of the time when you're stressed, the anxiety levels will automatically go higher and for those who are more sensitive might happen to get panic attack. For those who are always calm, fearless and steady, I am jealous of you because you will be less likely to get anxiety nor panic attack.

Actually not much person would believe it when the panic attack is happening on me, I couldn't help how to explain this whole thing out but I will try my best to explain my own situation for you guys to understand and show help for those who are suffering panic attack. It is really hard for those who never had panic attack or anxiety before to understand, unless you went through it.

Panic attack is like experiencing a heart attack but in a way of you just want have an urge to leave the place or situation as soon as possible. You might feel like everyone in the place is staring at you, smothering you. At that moment, the adrenaline in your body is released. The adrenaline (is actually epinephrine) will cause you to provoke a strong urge to escape or flee the place where cause your attack began, which is what we called as 'FIGHT or FLIGHT response'. This 'adrenaline' release all the time, just without your noticing but for those who are suffering for panic attack have a 'sensor' for it.
For those who might wonder, the adrenaline released when you trip and almost fall, being extremely excited, the kind of 'heart beat skips a beat' feeling.

I wasn't sure when was my first panic attack because it happened so frequently and I thought (and everyone tell me so) those were only I am too tension. The last time I remember it happened when my boyfie asked me for breakfast the next day, and I have a group meeting for assignment at the afternoon too. I wasn't have any good sleep since few days before because of the tense from assignments and that night it was really torturing. My heartbeats were really fast that made me feeling suffocating, and I can't help but feeling insecure and feel like the surrounding noise is 10x louder than it normally was. My palms and feet starting to sweat and I was shivering, because the sweat is cold and the weather was cold that time. I tried my best to not think about it and finally I felt asleep after two to three hours of struggling. I woke before the alarms rang (i put ten alarms to wake myself up if there is anything to do in early morning), and I wasn't awake like normally but I got shocked and awake. I thought I was fine after that and then I went to do my normal routine (shower brushing teeth prepare to go out) then went out for breakfast with my boyfriend. While my boyfie was preparing, I cant help but there's an urge for me to go toilet every minute, or every 5 seconds. The moment after I've came out from the toilet then I would want to go inside again. Jen told me that this is because I drank not enough water, I tried her way by drinking a lots of water, it worked, maybe it distracted me from being nervous. During our breakfast date, I tried to hold the urge to toilet until I finish eating my meal. When I went to the toilet, I know there is NOTHING, literally nothing but I just feel like "It is coming out omg so wanted to pee!". When I was in the toilet, the anxiety went down straightaway. The adrenaline released by my body cold down a little.

When panic attack happens, your heartbeat will beat faster (like a lot faster..) and you will start to feel numbs in several part on your body because the muscles start to tense. Then, you will breathe a lot more faster, like you are suffocating, then you will be pale and light headed (because you breath so fast that the blood is diverted to the muscles and your brain receives lesser oxygen), some people would starts to sweat cold and shiver. Some even might experience 'tunnel vision' which makes you feel like the room is shrinking. Your digestive system will shut down, and make you feel so sick. Your senses will be more sensitive that you will become more aware of sounds, smells and anything around you. I happened to hear some very high pitch noises in my ear before when my panic attack happened, it is like 'ngiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinggggg'..... And you will be extremely emotional, wanting to go toilet, everything so terror, insecure, and JUST WANT TO ESCAPE.

It comes very quickly, those symptoms usually peaking within 10 mins. Most of the panic attacks last for like 5 to 20 mins, but there are people who last for up to an hour or so. Those people are likely to be experiencing one attack then the other one comes in when he just got calm down, or a high level of anxiety after the initial attack (this mostly happen when the sufferer couldn't feel comfortable or haven't escape from the place yet).

How I ease it when panic attack happens on me?

I found that my panic attack goes down when I am distracted, this work the best for me and I always try to overcome it. For example like when I am waiting for my boyfie to pick me up (some people would understand why this would trigger the anxiety), I would done everything I wanted to half an hour or way earlier before he reaches, I need him to set a time for me, so I could avoid the panic attack. If he doesn't set a time, then I will tell keep myself in the fully prepared situation so there is nothing sudden need me to solve.

When I am out and I happen to sense that my adrenaline is released, I would take out my phone and start a random conversation with my friend, just texting them and make myself into it and sort of like 'escape' from the situation. And also listening to music, those music without fast beats and soft rhythm helps! I even tried to hold myself for not going toilet, and let the urge gone (because it is really nothing to pee anymore). If you worry that there are drips of urine or so, try to pee, if no, wear back your pants and stand in the toilet, let the tap running for a while, relax yourself. I found the sound of water running under the tap make the urge of pee even worst but then it sorta like make me to 'come back' in the situation. If I able to hold it then means I am fine already. But it would attack me after a while if it has high level of anxiety during the first attack. Remember, you are the only one who understand the whole thing, because it is really hard to explain to people how it feels like.

Who likes to being helpless and I don't think you will feel great standing beside someone who needs help..

When it happens,

1. DO NOT attempt to ask them to relax. It is not only not helping but creating more tension to the sufferer. Don't say things like "Come, let's try going out. Don't be coward, stop being silly! What's wrong with you?"

2. Be patient, don't force them to do things in the way you want.

3. Be accepting! They need things to done in their own pace.

4. Don't act smart, don't make assumptions about what the panicker needs, ASK THEM.

5. Don't show disappointment or annoyance or discouragement to them! They don't choose to be this way, they also want to be normal too.

6. Say things like "I am proud of you :) Tell me, what do you need now? Breath slower.. It is nothing can defeat you! You are awesome one! It is only last a while, no worries! It is the thought that bother you, you aren't in danger now! Look :)"

7. Don't attempt to distract them like asking them to talk about their favorite movie etc LOL it doesn't help, and don't ever say "don't think that anymore" because it doesn't help.. seriously.

8. Be supportive! And reassuring!

After panic attack, the person will feeling down, emotional, depressed, insecure, and with extremely low self-esteem. Just make them feel better and let them you are here to support them.

In my case, I have low self-esteem and lack of self confidence most of the time. So when my panic attack happens, my self-esteem is even lower.. To be honest, I never want to tell anyone about this problem because no one would believe nor understand. Yes, I know I look like I am happy most of the time, and somehow making people feel that I am annoying. I am sorry but I couldn't help that I am dealing with this and I am trying really hard to overcome this.

DO NOT ever neglect the people who you found smiling always, maybe she has some scars she doesn't want to show (yea i am talking about myself). I have tried to express these but it failed and gain hatred from people. So it is really hard for me to confess that I've such problem. But remember, if you are reading this and you are panic attack sufferer, YOU ARE NOT ALONE :) It is really common! It wont kill you, don't let it defeat you! Don't force yourself to be in the situation you don't feel comfortable (but i did this a lot, cuz i think i could cope it and overcome the fear..don't learn!). Health is far more important than going out to somewhere else you feel uncomfortable with friends to keep them happy.

Everyone has their different way to recover from the anxiety, it is vary from people to people but I hope I would help anyone!

I found that among all the ways I've said above, nothing works the best as escaping do, I need breaks from time to time. Thanks so much to my parents allowing my princessy temper and always travelling here and there (without informing in advanced). I found that travelling helps so much to ease the anxiety. It freed my tensions and eased everything! World just got better when I am travelling.

I understand that when your closest one don't understand how this bothering you and cause you with extremely insecure and feeling lonely. It's OKAY, You are AMAZING! :) You can definitely walk out from the 'secure taker' (how i called the panic attack before I knew the real term 'panic attack) heeee~





It is really long post, but stay healthy! I hope this help someone who suffering from panic attack or anxiety.
Although my panic attack goes worst this year, but I am really working hard on it.
And xx
Loves, J.